Deal with Complaints

It sounds easy right? Just deal with complaints as they surface. However, most couples lean toward conflict aversion. Both parties try and let issues slide, believing they can just "let it go". But, as most of you can attest to all of those suppressed issues come to life in one explosion.

How do you prevent large explosive arguments without having a small argument everyday? I learned a long time ago that there are two extremes people fall into to: conflict aversive and conflict aggressive. As balance typically serves us well in live, we need to learn to find a balance with conflict.

If you are mad at your spouse, they shouldn't have to guess why you are mad. Now, that does not give you permission to scream a list of their offenses at them. It does not give you permission to bring up all the times you have been right. It does give you permission to calmly state how you feel and explain why you are angry, hurt, disappointed, etc. For me, I need time to work out exactly how I feel and what promoted those feelings BEFORE I can talk to JohnMark. If you don't understand how and why you feel a certain emotion, you cannot except your spouse to be psychic.

Take this customer service rule and start to apply it to your everyday married life to show your COMmittment to developing and maintaing a healthy relationship with your spouse.

Lee

The Customer is Always Right

My husband loves to say that he can choose to be right OR happy. While it is meant as a joke, this statement does have validity. In relationships, you quickly learn that it is not always about being right. People will forget what you say, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

The challenge in marriage is learning to see more than just one right opinion. As we mature, we learn that nothing is black or white because there are many shades of gray that fall in between. In order for us to have an integrative discussion, we must focus on the elements that can be agreed on. To increase your COMmittment, reflect on how your words or lack of words has effected your spouse. Instead of focusing on being right, change your frame to find points that you agree on.

Lee

Marriage Driven Excellence

Great customer service includes understanding what customers want and anticipating their future needs. It includes reducing errors, meeting individual specifications, and reducing complaints. Many business books will tell you that how a company recovers from errors will determine how many customers they retain and how many they attract. As I thought about this concept, I realized that marriage is one really long customer service test.

When you think about what to make for dinner or what birthday gift to buy, you are practicing customer service. In this case, your customer happens to be your spouse. When you leave out the bean sprouts in pad thai because you spouse doesn't like them, you are meeting a customer specification. When your husband towels off before getting out of the shower to prevent soaking the bathroom floor, he is reducing the amount of complaints he receives.

Next, examine how you recover from an argument or disagreement with your spouse. Do you tell of all your friends your frustrations? Do you give your spouse the silent treatment for a few days? Do you sleep on the couch? Or, do you let it go and enjoy the rest of the night? One of the most significant factors that determines marriage success is how the couple handles and recovers from conflict.

In the next couple weeks, I'll be covering specific customer service lessons that I have learned over the years and how they relate to building a better relationship with your spouse. These lessons will help you transform your relationship and help you recover from conflict as it occurs. Lastly, these strategies will help you become more COMmitted.

Lee