As planned, we hosted all the married M1s at our house this Saturday night. Although several had to study, we still managed to get to know several other couples. As soon as the night began, it was easy to see how much in common we have as married couples. All of the husbands were already talking about their residency and fellowship choices regarding specialties and locations. And, the wives were already talking about all of the time their husbands are studying. All of our lives have similarly and drastically changed in the past two weeks.
At the white coat ceremony, my dad had words of wisdom to share with me as the wife of a medical student. He told me that it was important that I have my own accomplishments to be proud of. He said that a lot of spouses feel that they should also receive a diploma at the end of med school because they too sacrifice. Lucky for me, I should have my PsyD finished by then. But his advice is more than that. It's about finding the little things that make a difference and that you can be proud of. For example, one of the other wives has taken up baking. For her, she has a yummy product to show at the end of the day. This small accomplishment has a way of bringing the simple pleasures back into her life that is now mostly filled with stress.
It can be very easy to lose focus of your own accomplishments when you are supporting a spouse in med school. My hope is that COMmitted can remind of us of the reason that we sacrifice our time and energy. Whether we are spouses or med students, we can stick together and know that in the end lives will be saved and changed because of the efforts of our M1s.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Rejection
Rejection is one of the hardest emotions to deal with because it is disheartening to the human spirit. It's a hard blow regardless of who you experience rejection from. If you don't know them, you are hurt because they haven't even given you a chance. If it's someone you do know, you are hurt because they are only seeing a part of you, and most likely you feel like that part was/is completely justified.
However, rejection isn't always what it seems. Sometimes, people reject you to protect themselves. For example, if you have a spouse or close friend who is training for a marathon, it can seem that they are choosing to spend time running instead of with you. What you may not recognize is that they need to run for their own sanity and stress relief. Another example would be studying. Your spouse needs to study to prove to them self that they are still able to learn and retain information. They need to feel that they are making progress and have control over the outcome of their education or career.
There are several different way to cope with rejection. First, I'll start with what not to do. Don't retaliate by rejecting them. This only creates feelings of distrust, insecurity, and resentment. The better response is to think through your own emotions. Once you have clarified your own response to the rejection, you will better understand what triggered feelings of rejection. You can then use this self discovery to shape future responses. WARNING - this self discovery will not happen over night. You can logically tell your brain that you understand the circumstances and do not wish to feel rejected any longer. However, your emotions do not change as quickly as your brain can send the electronic message.
Lee
However, rejection isn't always what it seems. Sometimes, people reject you to protect themselves. For example, if you have a spouse or close friend who is training for a marathon, it can seem that they are choosing to spend time running instead of with you. What you may not recognize is that they need to run for their own sanity and stress relief. Another example would be studying. Your spouse needs to study to prove to them self that they are still able to learn and retain information. They need to feel that they are making progress and have control over the outcome of their education or career.
There are several different way to cope with rejection. First, I'll start with what not to do. Don't retaliate by rejecting them. This only creates feelings of distrust, insecurity, and resentment. The better response is to think through your own emotions. Once you have clarified your own response to the rejection, you will better understand what triggered feelings of rejection. You can then use this self discovery to shape future responses. WARNING - this self discovery will not happen over night. You can logically tell your brain that you understand the circumstances and do not wish to feel rejected any longer. However, your emotions do not change as quickly as your brain can send the electronic message.
Lee
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Things are changing...
Well, it seems I may be the new contributor for the blog. JM has started med school this week, and I'm not sure how much time he will have to contribute. That said, we are also hoping to take this blog into a different direction. We are hosting a M1 Spouse party at our house this Saturday in hopes of meeting all the married people in his class. From there, my goal is to have a group meet once a week to share frustrations and challenges.
From what we have read, the infamous long hours of studying in med school can take a toll on any relationship. To reduce the stress, all of the experts recommending spending time with others who are in the same boat. The weekly meetings are not designed to be complaining session, but they are more designed to build friendships with people who understand the complications med school can present. A lot of the students have moved here specifically for med school and do not have a family or friends support system in place. Hopefully, we can help to fill this gap within the group.
Lee
From what we have read, the infamous long hours of studying in med school can take a toll on any relationship. To reduce the stress, all of the experts recommending spending time with others who are in the same boat. The weekly meetings are not designed to be complaining session, but they are more designed to build friendships with people who understand the complications med school can present. A lot of the students have moved here specifically for med school and do not have a family or friends support system in place. Hopefully, we can help to fill this gap within the group.
Lee
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