On Negotiations

Lee can negotiate anything. It is an innate ability that she honed long before she read You Can Negotiate Anything. I oft regale people with the time that Lee almost returned an item over $20 to Target without a receipt. You see in the before time of the long, long ago there was determined woman with a singular mission, to return a hamper from the Target Home Collection...without any proof of purchase. [Thunder clashes] We sauntered, defiantly adorned in red garments herself. The children's play spaceship stopped as she entered the doors, it recognized the gravity of what was about to transpire. She placed the unopened hamper on the counter and coyly smiled as she revealed that she wanted to return the item...without any proof of purchase. [Thunder clashes] The cashier went through the traditional formalities. The item registered in the system, indeed identical items were on the shelves in that very store. The cashier read the Target policy as though they were Miranda rights. "You have the right to accept this policy, shut up, take your purchases and leave." Within minutes the store manager made his way to the counter, then the corporate office was called, then someone from Legal. The store manager stood bewildered "she's actually going to do this." They threw so many compromises: "could you give us the credit card number?" Nope. "Could you tell us in what store and what month the item was purchased?" Nope. The corporate office recognized the only amicable thing would be to return the item. Their item that could be returned no where else. But if they allowed that to happen, for a tear to form in their canvas bubble, the institution would fall. She would write books on how to return things to Target and nothing would stop the pursuit of Western purchase satisfaction. There would be a new Declaration espousing the right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and returning unwanted purchases. In the end, swords flashed, sparks flew and the two parted with respectful nods of strength. The unreasonably extravagant hamper was given as a gift to another friend. Here, this is your problem now.

In the end we are all left to wonder, why do we persistently shop at Target?

Sometimes I am inspired by wife and I am happy to report that I have successfully negotiated the University of Chicago Hospital to repair a leak it should have repaired years ago. Take that complacency!

-JohnMark