COMmitted 1st Meeting

As planned, we hosted all the married M1s at our house this Saturday night. Although several had to study, we still managed to get to know several other couples. As soon as the night began, it was easy to see how much in common we have as married couples. All of the husbands were already talking about their residency and fellowship choices regarding specialties and locations. And, the wives were already talking about all of the time their husbands are studying. All of our lives have similarly and drastically changed in the past two weeks.

At the white coat ceremony, my dad had words of wisdom to share with me as the wife of a medical student. He told me that it was important that I have my own accomplishments to be proud of. He said that a lot of spouses feel that they should also receive a diploma at the end of med school because they too sacrifice. Lucky for me, I should have my PsyD finished by then. But his advice is more than that. It's about finding the little things that make a difference and that you can be proud of. For example, one of the other wives has taken up baking. For her, she has a yummy product to show at the end of the day. This small accomplishment has a way of bringing the simple pleasures back into her life that is now mostly filled with stress.

It can be very easy to lose focus of your own accomplishments when you are supporting a spouse in med school. My hope is that COMmitted can remind of us of the reason that we sacrifice our time and energy. Whether we are spouses or med students, we can stick together and know that in the end lives will be saved and changed because of the efforts of our M1s.

Rejection

Rejection is one of the hardest emotions to deal with because it is disheartening to the human spirit. It's a hard blow regardless of who you experience rejection from. If you don't know them, you are hurt because they haven't even given you a chance. If it's someone you do know, you are hurt because they are only seeing a part of you, and most likely you feel like that part was/is completely justified.

However, rejection isn't always what it seems. Sometimes, people reject you to protect themselves. For example, if you have a spouse or close friend who is training for a marathon, it can seem that they are choosing to spend time running instead of with you. What you may not recognize is that they need to run for their own sanity and stress relief. Another example would be studying. Your spouse needs to study to prove to them self that they are still able to learn and retain information. They need to feel that they are making progress and have control over the outcome of their education or career.

There are several different way to cope with rejection. First, I'll start with what not to do. Don't retaliate by rejecting them. This only creates feelings of distrust, insecurity, and resentment. The better response is to think through your own emotions. Once you have clarified your own response to the rejection, you will better understand what triggered feelings of rejection. You can then use this self discovery to shape future responses. WARNING - this self discovery will not happen over night. You can logically tell your brain that you understand the circumstances and do not wish to feel rejected any longer. However, your emotions do not change as quickly as your brain can send the electronic message.

Lee

Things are changing...

Well, it seems I may be the new contributor for the blog. JM has started med school this week, and I'm not sure how much time he will have to contribute. That said, we are also hoping to take this blog into a different direction. We are hosting a M1 Spouse party at our house this Saturday in hopes of meeting all the married people in his class. From there, my goal is to have a group meet once a week to share frustrations and challenges.

From what we have read, the infamous long hours of studying in med school can take a toll on any relationship. To reduce the stress, all of the experts recommending spending time with others who are in the same boat. The weekly meetings are not designed to be complaining session, but they are more designed to build friendships with people who understand the complications med school can present. A lot of the students have moved here specifically for med school and do not have a family or friends support system in place. Hopefully, we can help to fill this gap within the group.

Lee

On Negotiations

Lee can negotiate anything. It is an innate ability that she honed long before she read You Can Negotiate Anything. I oft regale people with the time that Lee almost returned an item over $20 to Target without a receipt. You see in the before time of the long, long ago there was determined woman with a singular mission, to return a hamper from the Target Home Collection...without any proof of purchase. [Thunder clashes] We sauntered, defiantly adorned in red garments herself. The children's play spaceship stopped as she entered the doors, it recognized the gravity of what was about to transpire. She placed the unopened hamper on the counter and coyly smiled as she revealed that she wanted to return the item...without any proof of purchase. [Thunder clashes] The cashier went through the traditional formalities. The item registered in the system, indeed identical items were on the shelves in that very store. The cashier read the Target policy as though they were Miranda rights. "You have the right to accept this policy, shut up, take your purchases and leave." Within minutes the store manager made his way to the counter, then the corporate office was called, then someone from Legal. The store manager stood bewildered "she's actually going to do this." They threw so many compromises: "could you give us the credit card number?" Nope. "Could you tell us in what store and what month the item was purchased?" Nope. The corporate office recognized the only amicable thing would be to return the item. Their item that could be returned no where else. But if they allowed that to happen, for a tear to form in their canvas bubble, the institution would fall. She would write books on how to return things to Target and nothing would stop the pursuit of Western purchase satisfaction. There would be a new Declaration espousing the right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and returning unwanted purchases. In the end, swords flashed, sparks flew and the two parted with respectful nods of strength. The unreasonably extravagant hamper was given as a gift to another friend. Here, this is your problem now.

In the end we are all left to wonder, why do we persistently shop at Target?

Sometimes I am inspired by wife and I am happy to report that I have successfully negotiated the University of Chicago Hospital to repair a leak it should have repaired years ago. Take that complacency!

-JohnMark

The nature of discourse

There is a new newlywed reality show that Lee and I saw for the first time last week. They asked the newlyweds what the greatest source of their arguments was. For Lee and I it is the speed at which we make decisions. Lee makes judicious, lightning fast decisions. I, however, make slow, methodical, fully-encompassing, high fidelity decisions following a great deal of research (notice the necessary inclusion of flowery language to substantiate my existence in the decision-making process). Allow me to present this simulation:

"What should we put with the watermelon in the fruit salad?"

Lee
[more watermelon!!]
[Cantaloupe]
"Cantaloupe"

JohnMark
[well, cantaloupe and honeydew are the most common staples]
[that feels rather unoriginal]
[maybe some kind of berries, like blueberries or blackberries]
....
[oranges? I don't know that those flavors are complementary]
[Although Jackson, Turkleston and Hazamire quoted in their landmark 2004 paper "The
Dynamic Ubiquity of Oranges" that oranges are the "new lettuce"]
....
[squash? that's just silly. Although it could potentially absorb the watermelon flavor]
....
"Cantaloupe"

The whirlwind

It has been a little while since I posted last so I guess I need to give an update of all the goings on.

• 5/4 We did, in fact, get the condo. It was very stressful until that point. After we closed we immediately set to work moving and accepted the happy stress.
  
• 5/5 to 5/8 We hired painters that were able to finish (and do a FANTASTIC job) before we moved in the following Saturday. Meanwhile, we furiously packed the remaining junk.
• 5/8 After a lot of confusion my brother came up Friday night so that he was there for the move the next day. He brought a lot of stuff up from my parents' house as well.
• 5/9 We hired movers as well because of a presumed small window. The president of the condo association gave us an extension, without which we would not have been able to move in. Our movers were...well let's just say we won't be recommending them to anyone. We emptied ALL of the boxes on Saturday and were all moved in for the most part.
  
• 5/10 Lee and I rented a car so that we could go to CostCo, Walmart, Target and Home Depot. We unpacked the groceries, etc and then JJ and I went to go see the new Star Trek movie. It is always notable when I go to the movies anymore, so I am glad that the movie was excellent.
• 5/11 We started settling. Our neighbor was moving out for the summer and consequently she had all this meat to get rid of. After about 4 hours JJ and I finally managed to grill up some savory chicken and ribs.
• 5/12 We had our washer, dryer and sectional delivered. Then, I reestablished my dominance as the superior bowler in the family. [dusting shoulder] Bowling is another one of those things that is noteworthy when the occassion comes up again.
  
• 5/13 Mama Karen arrived and we cooked up Pad Thai.
• 5/14 I sacrificed myself as the one willing to go to with my mother and her twin to see a one-man theatrical reenactment of the Gospel of Mark. It was about as good as you would expect. The principal comment made was "it's amazing he could remember all that."
• 5/15 Despite the rain, we went on a Chicago River Architectual Cruise. I still enjoyed it and now we have a membership with the Chicago Architectural Foundation so anyone coming to visit in the next year should keep that in mind. ;-)
• 5/16 We went to my Aunt's house for Christmas 2. We celebrated 7 birthdays, one condo purchase, one med school acceptance, two grand parents returning for the summer, one puppy adoption and the Blackhawks advancing in the playoffs among other things.
• 5/17 We dropped off my mother and brother at the car rental offices for them to drive back home. At church we met with the interim pastor as we are going to start leading a small group at our place in June most likely.
• 5/18 Back to the grind and continuing to work on things like filing all of our documents in our new filing cabinets. Lee got to see the Today show for the first time in weeks. She had been without news that entire time.
  
• 5/19 I updated the blog. Mama Houston arrives in two days! Reserve your stay now, time slots are going fast!

Please feel free to leave a comment, if you so desire...

Chicondo, part 2

master bedroom

master bath...awkward angle

kitchen

living room